myIAKI // by HANNAH B
What makes me happy?
If you asked me this when I was younger my answer would have been filled with selfish ideas and void of gratitude. The things I would have listed would have provided me fleeting happiness and vast expectations that always seemed to get let down. “I would be happy if things went my way”, “I would be happy if I had all the material things I wanted”, “I would be happy if you just left me the f*ck alone!”, “I would be happy only if so-and-so liked me..”. Can you catch my drift? Before I found recovery I was riddled with fear and anxiety, I had mountain high expectations that could never be met, I resented family and friends who tried to tell me what to do, and I could not appreciate anything that I had because it was just never quite good enough. Nothing was..
My life today looks nothing like it used to. Yes I might physically resemble the person I once was; we share the same name, birthday, social security number and DNA but the person who sits here today is not that same person.
What makes me happy today?
Everything. Waking up in the morning and not wanting to die. Seeing the sun rise as I drive to a job that I am valued at. The quality of friendships that I have in my life. The relationships I have mended with my family. Seeing my niece and nephews faces on Instagram when I can’t be with them in person. The stability and consistency of my life. FaceTime calls with my mom because she is my best friend and I miss the shit out of her every single day. Quality time with the people that I love. The decision I made to pursue my education. Being of service to those around me. ANYTHING from the ID channel. Staying in watching movies and cooking dinner with my amazing boyfriend. Carbs. Sugar. Hot Tubs. Matcha Lattes. The Beach. My stuffed animal Mr. Woobleton. Literally anything and everything because today I go through my days with a shift in perception.
Today I go through my days filled with gratitude for my life. I have learned over the years that no matter what life throws my way, good or bad, I can walk through anything and there is always more lessons to be learned and more growth to be had.